Here is an excerpt from the book "Close Encounter" by Roxi MC Nay.
This is a wonderful description of what it means to really give up your own will.
That's what Paul Lowe learned with Bhagwan, to give up his own will.
And that, of course, is very, very difficult. The metaphor of wearing red socks every day for 13 years shows it.
“Paul was instructed by him (Bhagwan/Osho) to give her all his money to Clare, "One day, I gave her my travelers checks, then literally emptied my pockets and gave her all the money I had. That was it. I was in Bombay with no money at all. I had somewhere to stay, but no money for food. When people didn't feed me I had to eat rotten bananas. Anything Rajneesh said, I did totally. That was the game I was playing. He was the master and I was the disciple. I didn't care what he said, I did it."
For the next 13 years Paul was a dedicated disciple of Rajneesh. When he took sannyas (discipleship) Rajneesh only had a few followers, most of them Indian. He soon found that being a disciple was not always an easy role. Rajneesh had many devices and techniques to test his sannyasin's dedication.
A few months later, Rajneesh sent Paul to live at a place called Kylash, a farm several hour 's bus ride from Bombay. Paul remembers, "It was run a bit like a concentration camp. It was boiling hot during the day and freezing cold at night. We had little food and were living in an old barn along with numerous scorpions, snakes and rats. My health collapsed and I really thought I was going to die. Somehow I didn't care though. I was a disciple and if this was what was going to happen, then this was it. I didn't do anything about trying to get well."
In the end it was Clare, now called Poonam, who got Paul out of Kylash and into a Bombay hospital. She recalls, "Paul was writing me letters saying how sick he was and giving me instructions on what to do with the few possessions he had left, if he died. I went to Shyam and asked him what I should do. Shyam's advice was to get him out of Kylash as soon as possible. Paul just wouldn't leave unless he had Rajneesh's go ahead to move. He would have died rather than go against this. Every time I received another letter from Paul, I would phone Rajneesh's secretary in Bombay and tell her how concerned I was about Paul. Eventually Paul received word from Rajneesh telling him that he could return to Bombay, where he immediately checked into a hospital. It took him several weeks to recover anything like his normal strength."
Excerpt of “Close Encounter” by Roxi MC Nay